LWIO Journal Transfer

Wanted to remember some thoughts from Life With Intention Online last round (February 2016).

Wanted to jot a few thoughts from the 2.10.16 coaching call recording.  Left off around 40:00, excited to keep listening because of something I’ll note below.

 

The cookie flavor analogy really rang true (the person who had .  Just the right word to contain all the deeper meanings associated.  In my intentions the fresh breeze one is like that – I know just what it means even though all the elements are not articulated in separate words.  Also, my “take care of my body like my home” intention feels like this to me.

 

Not sure why this realization was triggered by this call, but I am having an emerging realization about career intention.  I value money, but I feel really shameful and guilty about this (the “do what you love” stuff of my 20s all coming up).  Not excess, but security and feeling fairly compensated.  I have kind of been using my umbrella intention for my career, but frankly, it’s not enough.  I wouldn’t take a job JUST because it would enable me to be a fresh breeze that lifts others up.  I also want to make money doing so.  But man, I don’t know if I can make an intention saying as much.  It just feels so greedy.  I wonder if this is part of what is making the SAHM decision so hard as well – won’t be making any money for a time, or not nearly what I would if I were working full-time.

 

Posted 29 February 2016 – 05:55 PM

The module four podcasts always knock a lot loose for me.  Big realizations as I listened to career, possessions and personal habits today and yesterday.

 

Timeline, timeline, timeline!!!!!!!!!  I ALWAYS forget about this when module 3 comes around.  This is the third time I’ve taken LWIO, and module 3 always kicks my ass.  I have never managed to put together an action plan, because I get so intimidated by the prospect of doing something forrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeevvvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrr.  My ego haaaaaaaates that I’ve never done up a plan.  It was my main goal for this round of the course, and then I discovered I was pregnant and have had exactly enough bandwidth to keep myself rested (like, going to bed at 7:00 with my toddler), fed, and doing a passable job at work.  I always have to remind myself that IT. IS. OK. that I haven’t done an action plan.  Jess even says it is ok.  :)  She reminds us that we do NOT need to do a module 3 action plan to live our values in the present moment.  HOWEVER: I am not doing that, either.  So I still want to try a very simple one.

 

I came into this round ego-hell-bent on setting VBIs for the career area.  I am in a trap of thinking that I either need to a) know what I’m doing at any given point in the future or B) if I don’t, not enjoy what I’m doing now and strive to figure out the future instead.  And!  Maybe having VBIs would be the magic formula for knowing this!!!  But nothing has become clear, and I still don’t have any more VBI for career except maybe the compensation/mutual respect aspects that I wrote about somewhere.  Actually, one of the coaching calls helped me realize that really BEING at work while I’m at work would help me feel better about my job.  And so I’ve been working on that.  I do peek at some personal stuff online, but only during lunch for a minute.  And I do feel better.  I actually really value separation of work and personal time, and I was letting an illusion that I was doing work at home in the evenings – I am not, but I was telling myself that I was, just because I’m a teacher and teachers work so hard outside of school!  (most do, and I have in the past, but given my current circumstances, I’m not right now) – be an excuse for not focusing on work all day during the work day.  It feels much better to be home physically and mentally when home, and be at school physically and mentally when at school, and drop all the guilt and the time swaps and mind games that I was playing with myself.

 

Just being in the present moment, and being gently aware of what might be next, is what I’ve been focusing on.  That’s another big learning from this round.  I’m a lot more peaceful.  I’m not 100% peaceful, but am in a better place.  I do not know what will happen when baby #2 arrives.  But it’s become increasingly clear over the time we’ve been working on this round that I’d like to stay at my school rather than switch schools, and given that, my options become more limited (actually a good thing – narrows the choices and makes it easier to move ahead).

 

Ha!  So why am I still so worried about creating an action plan?  I suppose it’s a shiny penny.  I’m going with it, though.  :)  I will post this now so I don’t lose it and make another post with the plan.

Posted 29 February 2016 – 06:15 PM

In my efforts to wordsmith, I think I’ve left out the meat of some of the things I most deeply value in my career, which currently looks like me being a teacher.  So:  mind dump:

 

Currently, have used my “I am a fresh breeze that lifts you up” umbrella intention to work for my career, and it isn’t completely working.

 

Some words/thoughts.  Not wordsmithed yet!

 

1) Innovation, can-do attitude, seeking positive and out-of-the-box solutions, leading from where I’m at, ownership of processes and outcomes, contributing where able, collaborating with others for the best results (Most of what the “fresh breeze” means to me)

2) Deep demonstrated respect for ALL people I work with, especially children.  Children want to learn, people do the best they can, assume positive intentions (pretty much the rest of the “fresh breeze” meaning)

3) Ongoing learning/improvement of my craft.

4) Separation of life energies (personal and work time/tasks/locations).  Consciously limiting the amount of time that is spent on my work, and if I give extra time, give it freely, not out of guilt or games

5) Mutual respect and appropriate compensation.  Giving my all and expecting fair remuneration in return (if outside employment).

 

How can I work to include more of this in my current job, and where I can’t, give myself grace?

 

AND (leading toward my action plan) – how can I be grateful for the job and life I DO have, and the opportunities to live these values daily?

 

Posted 29 February 2016 – 06:19 PM

Personal habits:

 

Gratitude/grateful/thankful

 

Another point of resistance that I have is that if I am thankful for something or involved in a gratitude practice, that I will do that thing forever.  So, I’m not 100% convinced I am passionately in love with my current school/system/colleagues/etc.  But if I am actively grateful for where I am, that doesn’t mean I have to stay there forever, and if I AM grateful, then I will be happier for the time I AM there.

 

Same with my motherhood situation.  It’s kicking my ass.  I don’t have time for anything beyond the basics, it seems.  No crocheting, little reading, few outings with friends.  It’s wearing.  But there is sooooo much to be grateful for.

 

For my action plan, I just want to do a few minutes of a gratitude journal every day.  It’s something I can do.  It will help me feel better about lots of areas.  But am I going about it backwards?  By starting from the action?  Of course I know I am, but my baby and husband are almost home so I had to at least get this much down!!!!!

 

Geez, you’d think I drank 17 cups of coffee today!  But no!  Just that something plinked into place on the walk home.

 

Another thing worth remembering:  I have my best LWIO realizations when walking.  :)

My 2016 Word: “Permission”

 

permission in art fontWell, I think my word for 2016 is chosen!  I can’t get “permission” out of my head.  This is how it happened last year.  I had a big ol’ list, and the one that kept cropping up for me was the one I chose.  And it was so successful to have a talisman that reminded me of the word, I am going to order one for this year from the same woman, but I think I’ll go with a necklace this time.  Or maybe not.  🙂  https://www.etsy.com/shop/lizlamoreux?page=1

Interesting that I had a hard time with what feels like kind of a pedestrian word.  I felt I should have been able to distill it into a deep phrase or something, like “you can” or whatevs.  But it wasn’t happening.  I felt I needed someone ELSE’S permission to use the word permission.  But I know what it means.  It’s for ME, and it don’t gotta be cute or Pinterest-worthy.

Winter Wonderland – XC Skiing #1 of 2016

We got out skiing at Battle Creek Regional Park on this fine New Years Day.  We went because it’s a known place to use the pulk, but then we messed up and took the intermediate trails – with hills! – instead of our usual green route.  We lived to tell the tale, but the pulk now needs some work.

This morning we went with friends to a huge brunch gathering at Psycho Suzi’s.  I love that brunch (brown sugar babies, anyone?).  Today was a microcosm of how I’d like my life to more frequently be.  The house is under control, feels good even.  We went with friends, we were active.  We didn’t overdo it.  We weren’t focused on stuff – buying/selling/cleaning/organizing/etc.  A great way to kick off the year!

selfie of the family skiing at Battle Creek Park

The family skiing at Battle Creek Regional Park. After we put the phone away Bryce took off and tripped me with the pulk. Baby crying, mama on ground, and I think a broken pulk as a result!

My Konmari Vision

I am pretty proud of myself.  It is Xmas Eve, and even though there are still presents to be wrapped and stuff to be baked, I am sitting here writing about my Konmari Vision!  My toddler has been sick since Monday and very clingy.  I have had precious little time to myself over the last few days and haven’t felt tip-top myself.  So in order to make it through the rest of today, when we will go to my lovely in-laws who are stressed out about a family situation and are just generally in need of patience, I am taking time to type up what I have so far.

I am in this great FB group for Konmari.  It’s a small one, with a focus of how Konmari and chronic health challenges interplay.  My own health challenges have somewhat abated, which I am thankful for, and which also makes me feel like somewhat of an imposter in the group.  However, with any hormonal change I could be back in the same boat so I am staying in order to help take good care of myself.  I think it’s what any of the ladies in the group would want for themselves as well.

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Haha, here I am resuming this post on December 26.  I have found something that takes a lot of frustration out of my life, and that is parking my computer in the craft room instead of in the dining room where it can sing its siren song at all hours.  But that’s an aside.  Back to the Konmari vision!

So the fabulous FB group I mentioned above has a weekly thread that’s taken me a while to understand.  It is a check in about how we can live our Konmari visions NOW, not when we are done KMing.  Given the health challenges of the members in the group (and life in general), the process doesn’t always move along as quickly as presented in the book.  Finally I decided to dig into my personal vision.

I did three things to get some idea of my vision, two from the book (page 36) and one from member Diana from the above-mentioned group.

  1. Wrote about what my house would look like ideally, and how I would feel. (per book)
  2. Pulled out the themes and then asked “why?” over and over. (per book)
  3. Also sat back in the recliner, closed my eyes and pictured my day in my ideal home.  It was hard without a guided meditation/visualization to listen to, but I did get some useful information. (from Diana)

From the free-write, what I felt came out the most was:

  • clear surfaces (mentioned several times)
  • the house to feel like “a supportive friend,” a place that is sometimes “quiet” (in the sense of not screaming obligations at me – clean me! put me away! you didn’t finish me yet!) so I can enjoy my husband and son, do other projects without guilt, and just simply relax
  • Putting away ongoing projects neatly and out of sight/stored attractively in order to easily come back to them later
  • Being able to invite friends and family over on a whim
  • Being able to walk through the house unobstructed
  • No piles
  • Fresh smell (this one surprised me)
  • Decor we both like

Then I pulled out what felt like the three strongest themes and asked myself “why” until I felt I got the root of the statement.

  • “I want the house to feel like a supportive friend.”  I won’t outline all my thinking, but it came down to wanting control of my time and my life – not simply spending it in the whirlwind of STUFF and cleaning, cleaning, cleaning.
  • “I want clear surfaces.”  I feel a lot calmer.  Ultimately, I feel empowered and free.  If I want to do any project, I can!  Because the cleaning is already done.  If I want to use that space or another, I don’t have to clean it first.
  • “I want to be able to invite friends or family over on short notice.”  In the end, so my attention can be fully on the people I’m with (versus going out to restaurants, wrestling wiggly child, spending money, feeling as if you can only stay for a certain amount of time, etc.).

Lastly, I sat and tried to picture my day in my Konmari utopia.  I didn’t get a lot of images other – was hard to focus, did do this part on Xmas Eve and my mind was elsewhere – but I did see:

  • An unhurried morning routine.  I got up, was able to make breakfast, strolled to work unruffled.
  • Then I got glimpses of what I would do if I didn’t have to be allllllllllways working on our house.  I got images of being outside – hiking, and also in a canoe with my husband.  We have not done either of these things in a few years – since our baby came, but also since we started our basement project.

So I learned a number of very useful things through this exploration about how I can live my Konmari vision NOW, just like the thread on FB asks us to think about.

  • I can work to keep the most frequently used surfaces clear:  at a minimum – the dining room table and buffet, kitchen counters, mail station, top of my dresser and top of baby’s dresser clear.  That would contribute tremendously to my sense of calm at home.  And to do it, I will have to KM some stuff.  A lot of what ends up on these surfaces are items that don’t have a home.  Do we really need them, then?
  • I can do some things to help it smell fresh.  I don’t like commercial/synthetic air fresheners, but I can mop, and put out natural scents (stovetop air fresheners like orange peels, vanilla, etc. – tons on Pinterest), and use tea tree oil in the diaper pail to help the place smell fresher.  I can enable DH to keep up with the vacuuming.  He loves it, and I do not, but with our toddler underfoot, he doesn’t get as much vacuuming done as he would like.  Further KMing will help in this area, because when there isn’t sh*t to vacuum around, we can vacuum more thoroughly.  Also, then the dog won’t lay on and stink up everything (couch blankets, clean laundry that doesn’t get folded fast enough, etc.).  I can try to bathe dog more often, but unlikely to happen, especially in winter.
  • I can put away projects that are partially finished.  I have plenty of folders and clear envelopes for paperworky projects.  I have some storage boxes in my scrapbooking stuff that could help.
  • I can put on a timer when I start to clean.  When I’ve put in a certain amount of time, that can be good enough for now.  I tend to start and get so overwhelmed that I can’t do it all.  I can NEVER do it all at once.  At first I also had that I WILL never be able to do it all at once, but I deleted it.  Maybe with Konmari I will.  But not yet – so I need to have some mental tricks to allow myself the grace, relaxation and enjoyment of life NOW as well as later.
  • Recommit to KM!  This exercise was useful to help me see how KMing is the portal to all this goodness.  While I can make some of it happen now, it will require effort and focus and mental expenditure.  Hopefully once KMing is complete it will just come naturally.  Keep an eye on the prize!

I am in love with Elizabeth Gilbert

Sooooo I keep listening to podcasts with Elizabeth Gilbert in them.  I love her rawness, her humanity, her wisdom, her wit, her realness.  The latest one I listened to was with Rob Bell on the Robcast.  Literally they are just shooting the shit in his dining room.

What spoke to me:

  • Just take care of “your poor, tired, human animal body:” to the woman who is not finding time to write with her infant that is up all night.
  • When something is bothering you, to run it off/run it out.  Take a run, spew all the shit, and as you do it over time, it will take you less and less and less time to dump it all.  But it has to be dumped, it has to be said, even if to no one, or it will fester and become more powerful.  The other analogy – like putting it in a bucket and putting on the lid.  If you put on the lid and let it rot, it will be a worse situation than the initial grossness of just dumping it all out and naming what you see.  This didn’t just speak to me, it SCREAMED to me.

Revised intentions

I took Life With Intention Online again, and wanted to capture my revised values-based intentions.  I feel compelled to create some art around them, but not sure how that will work.  Right now my craft room, where I can create things that won’t be destroyed by a toddler, is so crammed with crap it’s not usable without some big TLC first.  So we’ll see.  What’s got me thinking about this again is that after listening to almost all the episodes of Magic Lessons, I feel some urgency to get going on creation.  It’s a curiosity that must be followed, and in one of the episodes Liz talks about how unexpressed creativity will eat you alive.

Umbrella:  I am the fresh breeze that lifts you up.  (This encompasses many Values for me, including authenticity/realness, bravery, action, vulnerability).

Possessions:

  • Seek enough.
  • Focus on quality items that spark joy.

Personal habits:

  • Nurture my body as my lifelong home.
  • Feed my soul with nature, adventure and art.

Relationships:

  • Listen.

Career:

  • TBD.  “Fresh breeze” brings a lot of guidance for how I want to be in this area anyway, and my ego is going nuts about career lately.  I’m just going to sit with it for a while.

What I love about my friend

I have a friend that I admire so much.  When formulating my yet-to-become-public statement of life purpose, I told my life coach that I know someone that embodies a draft purpose (close in intent, not the exact words I landed on).  She encouraged me to think about what was it about her that I admire so much.  So the other day when I had my deep and intense brain dump I wanted to write about this as well but was mentally exhausted.  So I saved it for today!

First of all, Friend is so genuine.  She is completely present.  Whenever I’m with her, which isn’t as often as I would like, I NEVER feel like she wants to be somewhere else.  She is always completely and joyfully simply right there with you.  Her capacity for listening is incredible.  She will make you feel like you’ve been heard whether you’re celebrating, kvetching or exploring unknowns.  Also, friend is the BEST, I mean THE BEST, hugger.  It goes back to being present.  You can just feel the esteem she holds for you in that hug.  She will also share her own trials, too.  She doesn’t hide the fact that she’s suffered from mental health issues or follows a strictly gluten and sugar free diet for many years because the repercussions for her health are ugly.  She has a lovely, imperfect life – it’s easy to identify with her.  I just love Friend and strive to be more like her – it’s helped to write out exactly in which ways.