Mystery solved!

Turned out to be Lyme disease, or so the labs say.  Symptoms match up.  Yuck!!  On antibiotics and feeling much better but must remember to be gentle with myself as I’m still not quite back to 100%.  My tired stretches (common with a 1 year old) are especially tired, almost exhausted.  So while I’m frustrated that I lost 2-3 weeks of my summer to this ick, I can’t make up for it all in one swoop.  With focus I can make a little progress every day.  Like, we finally mounted a baby gate at the top of the stairs, and that took several days of small efforts every day, but now it is done (not a moment too soon.  That babe is fearless.).

Jumble of emotions!

I have not been well lately.  And that’s bumming me out.  I have a newfound energy (you’ll see why below) and then just when I think I’m on the upswing, I slide back again and have to languish in bed.  It’s hard to continue to be sick with a mystery illness and not really know what to do about it – and somehow this kind of thing always happens in our house on a holiday weekend.  Hoping to get in to my regular clinic ASAP on Monday.  Fingers crossed.

More than anything, though, I’m excited – I am going to start working with a coach.  Well, I already have.  She is delightful, and I expect to make some changes in my life on account of working with her.  I’m scared shitless, as I unabashedly told her.  But after reading back over this journal, and seeing all the themes of being stuck, being hopeless, being depressed, being idle, overthinking, perfectionism, etc., I am hoping to focus and take some real actions.

First action is to attend a workshop on the Art of Hosting next week.  I do not know if this is the initial focus I will take in freelancing/self-employment/service/etc., but I will know more soon.  I am so glad I was brave enough to sign up for this workshop.  I wasn’t sure I should.  It had a $500 sticker, and I am going part time next school year and had JUST expressed some misgivings about money to my husband.  But I felt compelled to sign up, and decided to go for it.  I think it helped that I was “applying,” not registering.  That gave me a bit of a buffer to say, “oh well, I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it, no harm in applying.”  Once I was offered a spot, I simply inquired if the organizer knew of any grants or scholarships to help offset the cost.  She did not.  About a week later I got a message from her saying that they’d had so many participants pay the full cost of the workshop that the budget had enough room to offer a few participants to enroll for just the cost of the food and photocopies – $75!  Kismet!  If I’d never thrown my name in the ring, that wouldn’t have happened – so very glad I did.

So my coach already assisted me in finding an intention to take with me into the workshop – to make connections both to people and to material.  I found several images online, and need to text her one.  Then I’ll put the image on my computer for the time of the workshop.  The one below is one that keeps popping into my mind from my searching.  I resisted it because it doesn’t represent humans, though that’s what’s in my mind – while I want to seek the connections with the other participants as well as with the material, the main focus will be on the people.  However, this graphic more closely represents human networks/interactions more than many of the stock photos Google turns up (ahem, youthful white business people holding light bulbs?)  At least this graphic has a variety of sizes, thicknesses, intensities . . . some connections functioning in the foreground and some in the background.  And complex!  Beautiful.

web

Rich connections come from all kinds of experiences, interests, knowledge, backgrounds

This one’s just pretty.  🙂  Nah, I was drawn to many nature-based photos as well.  This one is just so unique, but it didn’t pop to mind as the first image like the top one did.

Connections

 

 

Treehouse!

Treehouse logo

I am pumped!  My city’s public library patrons can use Treehouse for free!  There is a wealth of  tech knowledge there waiting to be gobbled up.  I have not been sure where to find this stuff for an affordable (ahem, free!) price so I am totally psyched.  This feels like something doable – even when it’s dark out, cold, and there’s only an hour or two at a time to work on it.

I feel like this is “be open” paying off already.